Love Letters — Third Love

BeautyI never expected to see a person like you in that sterile classroom preparing for the business graduate exam.  But there you were – long black hair raining down your shoulders and back – hair………black as a panther ……..touching beautiful olive colored skin.  I had seen women with features like yours before when I was traveling through the Mediterranean, but it wasn’t just your features – it was the way you carried yourself…with so much ease and grace.  It wasn’t until the last class that I got the nerve to linger longer than is appropriate…and ask you out.

Castle Hill Rhode IslandDo you remember that first night together?  We had a few drinks, but that wasn’t why we were laughing – it was because our personalities were so alike…as though we were brother and sister.  I discovered you went to a special high school where the curriculum centered around the classic Latin language…yet another heart piercing arrow hit the mark.  It wasn’t long after that I asked for your hand in marriage.  Of course we had to have two ceremonies, one in the church (you were an hour late!) to appease your family, and one on the beautiful coast of Rhode Island.  You looked so beautifully surreal on our wedding day…I don’t know how we lost it along the way.  Life, it seems, can grind Love down.  But, I don’t want to dwell on that, rather, I want to say some other words.

Ecola PointWe moved to the Northwest after graduate school, not for a job, but so I could pursue, in my free time, photographic excursions amongst the Cascade Range and along the Oregon coast.  You were so patient and giving on those journeys.  Thank you.  We created a beautiful son when we were still in Love – you can see this is true by observing who he is and the essence of his being.  We have both overcome our lost Love to ensure we are both there for him….until the time comes when he earns his wings.  Through him, we have learned about another kind of Love – one that places another above oneself.

Duality of FireYou may not have known, but you also were no longer in Love.  You know now, the importance I place in Love between two beings – perhaps it is a fault, but if Love is gone, you must face that realization and not linger for the wrong reasons.  You are stronger now, independent, making your way, finding your way, and perhaps one day you will find Love once again.  You may have recently sampled its power, but that wasn’t Love.  Love has to be equal between the two beings.  And it seems, Love is comprised of a dual nature — the freedom for each to purse their own ends, but to also put another above oneself.  Enduring Love…perhaps… is a fragile balancing act.  You are free from him now – find it…or pursue something of interest…whatever that may be.

Love Letters — Second Love

Dear Second Love,

SF SymphonyDo you remember that night at the San Francisco Symphony?  You were sitting between me and our mutual friend through whom we came to know one another.  He liked you, but I couldn’t restrain myself any longer as the intoxicating music led my hand secretly to yours for that first soft gentle touch.  Gentle touches evolved into passion and from passion into fire.  So many memorable days and nights together on that beautiful campus.  You really were a sexy, smart, sassy southern California girl, but I admired that you remained grounded in your original culture.  Both families accepted our Love and so it seemed we had a future.

SalzburgBut, we both graduated and off we went to earn our way — you to Southern California and me across the ocean to Europe.  We bridged the distance via the written word and overcame the obstacles threatening our Love.  You left your job and secured an internship in Europe — together again not just in spirit, but in the flesh.  You were expecting the proposal, and rightly so, but it never came.  All those romantic opportunities in Paris, or Tuscany, or Venice, or Vienna, or Salzburg — a little planning, a little thought, a few words, to ask for your hand.  And when you asked me to accompany you back to the U.S. as you pursued your graduate Ivy League education, I said not now, for I had planned a year-long journey throughout the old world — a year of complete and total freedom.  You said there would be consequences…and I accepted the challenge, promising to return after my journey.

HarvardUpon my return, you had a boyfriend, but that didn’t stop us from sharing a bed.  I knew he was nothing more than revenge.  And I was excited, for I had discovered my path — landscape photography.  You, like the others, frowned upon my discovery.  And I understand.  A life with a man pursuing such a dream would be full of struggles and poverty.  You loved me for my thoughts, but perhaps more for my potential in the world of business.  You appeared ready to let go — and so I went.

Hong KongI was shocked when you called me so upset, crying, when you learned of my marriage.  You said, “Why didn’t you tell me you were thinking of getting married?”  Well, the thought never crossed my mind…you loved me for who I might become, not for who I was, both the good and the bad.  You recently contacted me and I learned you are living in Hong Kong, probably making loads of money — that you are married to an English journalist and you recently gave birth to a daughter.  I bet she is beautiful.  I wish you Joy and that your Love endures.  Perhaps you contacted me to ensure you made the right decision.  You did.  I am poor and continue to struggle finding my way through this maze of mediocrity.

Love Letters — First Love

Dear First Love,

fog San FranciscoWe both liked each other for years, but the stars weren’t aligned, until we decided to rearrange them.  Remember that first night we spent together… outside the high-school auditorium — embracing behind the columns and kissing for so long that is seemed like the earth, the sun, and the moon… were no longer in motion?  Do you remember that night we spent up in the foothills…laying together on a blanket — the breeze blowing through the long silver grass, the moonlit fog spilling over the mountains, the Bay Area lights twinkling far down below in the distance?  The Love I felt for you was as true as I have known.

fog Santa Cruz MountainsWhy did we let anything come between this first and pure Love?  I vowed to preserve your innocence to respect your religious upbringing — you misinterpreted my perseverance as rejection.  My recent girlfriend harassed you with calls and tears and hoisted guilt upon our shoulders.  You constantly implied… that I should go back to her.  And when I did…I discovered your fury and the true Love you harbored for me…within your barricaded heart.  But it was too late.  I betrayed our Love through a series of misunderstandings and weakness — all that remained in your heart was a tease of sweet lingering revenge.  Forgive me, my first Love, for I didn’t know the trials and ways to earn the complete trust of a woman’s heart…and something not of this world slipped away into the ether… never to be found again.

Untimely Encounter

You already promised your hand to another

certain in your heart he is the one

that there could be no other

Fly across the world to embrace

and promise everlasting love

~

But there will be those days and nights

when you feel alone even in his presence

Now we breathe the same the air

feel the same wind

see the same moon

hear the same drops of rain

wander along the same ocean

admire the same mountain peaks

~

Where ever you go I have been

Where ever I go you have been

A distant undeveloped haunting

so close yet so far

wondering what might have been

had fate and chance

intervened at another time