It is not nearly enough to just be awake. Your current awareness is analogous to a patient waking up in a hospital bed after a decade-long coma. No, you are being too hard on and critical of yourself. You gave the momentum a try – it just isn’t for you. Regardless, now that you are awake, it is time to begin to think about how you will progress forward to living, and then becoming Alive. Since the goal is to become Alive, you need to reflect on what that means. After you have an understanding of what it means to be Alive, then you can begin to chart out a plan to live in order to become Alive.
And you must set realistic expectations. The moments to be Alive are going to be less than the moments to live. The moments to be Alive, given the momentum, have to be earned through pain, patience, and the precious expense of energy. In order to define what it is to be Alive, for you, a reflection into the past is essential. And the past can be broken up into broad periods – childhood, teens, twenties, thirties, and now. In each of these periods, you need to think about when you felt truly Alive. When did you feel the intensity and lust of being? When did you feel the delicate…the sublime? When did you experience the dark…the light? It is the extremes we are looking for here, not the norm, not the grey area that we expense most of our waking moments and energy. What were the mountain peaks…the deep dark chasms? Of course, childhood may be somewhat innocent and devoid of dark chasms, but nevertheless, this is where you need to begin.