Our Love was forbidden from the start — married man with child falling in Love with a single mom at work. All those secret rendezvous – some people find that exciting, but it wasn’t…it was pressure…the whole weight of outward and inward social norms crushing down on a delicate budding flower.
I remember exactly when I began to fall for you. It was on that business trip we took together…alone…to Florida. We had known each other for several years, but this was the first time we were alone together. We worked alongside one another during the day and went out to dinner in the evening and then drove back to the same hotel…only to repeat the cycle for the entire week. It was on the flight home…you were half asleep…when I let my head rest on your shoulder. From that point on, the feelings grew…no one could stop it….not even you. The flower was in full bloom. I received all kinds of advice from those closest to me, but the words sounded like a foreign language compared to the passion of a deafening thunderbolt.
If the social pressures weren’t enough…add the black and white laws of corrupt capitalism. Corrupt capitalism drove us from the west to the east…took me away from my son…forced you to sell your house for a loss…what other choice did we have when they shut down the west coast headquarters in the name of “synergies”? My ex-wife hadn’t worked for years — I couldn’t just take severance and hope to find a job in one month. You may have had time to land something, but then we would be apart. And so we accepted the company’s ultimatum and moved across the country to begin our new life under one roof. Since I negotiated a healthy increase in salary and bonus, I had enough money to support two lives, the old and the new…and I was able to travel and see my son once a month.
And then, after two years, corrupt capitalism reared its ugly head once again. All those fucking assholes, the legalized and protected criminals, brought down the financial system…which led our company to “layoff” 10,000 human beings…with no option to stay on at a lower wage…escorting them out of the building like they were guilty of a crime… treating them like a bunch of fucking dogs. I couldn’t take it anymore. I took the severance package instead of hanging on at a lower salary like all of the other more politically connected, mindful, nipple sucking slaves… well, you know what… fuck those cowards…let them rot in hell for all I care. I know…they are only thinking of caring for their own families…I know the argument and logic..well…what about the other 10,000 little people who didn’t have a fucking choice?
Over-time, unable to secure a new job on the east or west coast, the expense of living the old and the new life depleted all my “worldly resources”, and the time came for a decision. All I had left in my possession was my energy and Love…and that energy was divided… between you and my son…I chose my son. The process of contemplating this decision tore something out of my mind…and the hole remains…all the way the through.
You’re an amazing woman, tough, strong, beautiful inside and out…a fighter. But I know, under all that armor, you have a gentle heart. You deserve more than half of my energy. But my son…he is just a little being…still developing…he needs all of my energy to grow strong and healthy. Just as you have given so much of your energy to your son, so I need to do the same. You, of all people, should understand this gut wrenching decision. I still Love you, but you deserve a man who can give you everything… and nothing less.
There are those that will smile at this outcome, but they of course are advocates of the status quo and perpetuate all that is….from the meaning of the marriage contract…to believing in capitalism even in its morphed and corrupted form. To them…I say…I would do it all over again…poverty is worth the price of pursuing Love…just like poverty is worth the price of pursuing what you know to be true…for you.